Blog Posts – Veteran's Wife, Bariatric Life

Why I DO NOT Believe in New Year’s “Resolutions”

So it’s a Friday evening, and I’m sitting here enjoying a nice relaxing pedicure, and realized it’s been a really long time since I wrote a blog post. I’ve been meaning to write this one since last year actually. Being the new year is upon us, I figured I’d share about why I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions. It’s something that weighs on my mind every single year when I see people making a promise to themselves to change everything under the sun about their lives, beginning on one single day… this year more so because it’s the beginning of a new decade; not just a new year.

I’m all for change and self-improvement … don’t get me wrong. It’s not that. I just feel like the entire “resolution” process in particular is setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. People tend to get really hyped up and dive in full force, only to overwhelm themselves and fall flat. I like to refer to my take on the new year as “New Year’s Goals” as opposed to resolutions. I think goals aren’t as harshly defined, but yet have set good intentions for the upcoming year. How many times do you here of someone being disappointed in themselves for falling off their resolution wagon, only a few days or weeks into the year?? It’s all too common. Go to a gym mid-January and you will see what I mean… half as many people are there as there were on January 1st or 2nd.

New Year’s Goals are for the whole year …. a focus of change and intention that you can practice and prefect as the year progresses.

Everyone’s goals are different, obviously, but a lot of the time involve some sort of self-improvement. For me, my goals this year include daily meditation, intention setting on a regular basis (according to moon phases if you follow me on Instagram and believe in that sort of thing) and working on my overall health; mentally and physically. Of course my mediation and intention setting go hand in hand with my health, and how I plan to go about changing it.

I have no plan on changing everything overnight … again, that’s a setup for failure…. instead, I started slowly towards the end of last year. I began meditating as an almost-daily practice. Every evening while I fall asleep, I put on my headphones (my husband just got me these super awesome ones for Christmas), and listen to a sleep meditation or chakra balance meditation to fall asleep to. There are some amazing ones on YouTube as well as ones available through Audible. I found myself more rested, and able to clear my mind and fall into a deeper sleep faster. I also added this melatonin supplement as a natural aid to help me fall asleep, as I’m not a huge fan of prescription sleep medication for me. Being able to get a good night’s sleep makes getting up at 5:30AM a lot easier, especially on these cold, winter, New York mornings. Not to mention, enough energy to get me through the day productively.

Through the holidays, I enjoyed my fair share of sweets and treats, indulged here and there, but did not beat myself up over it. We are allowed to enjoy food, and almost any food, in moderation. So to start off the year, I’m going back into my routine, knowing that I will inevitably have to detox from sugar, and that it will honestly suck a bit …. but I’m not leaving the holiday season feeling denied. I’ll slowly transition back to my stricter eating habits, and once the New Year’s rush is passed as the gym…. mid-January… I plan on adding dates back on my calendar for strictly gym-time. These are times and days I put on my calendar, set up reminders, and make a promise to myself to go to the gym… no matter how many excuses I can think up. Sometimes it’s for a particular class, or just plain cardio time. Preplanned and on the calendar give me a little more accountability when I don’t have a gym partner there.

Another thing is that I always start the new year with a crispy and clean new calendar. And fresh, rewritten to-do lists. Organization. Ahhhh… one thing that sparks some major joy for me. Ever since finding about her brand years ago, Erin Condren has been a personal favorite when it comes to planners. I love that I can customize my planner to how I like it, pick my own style and colors, and find what is most visually appealing to me at this season in life. This year I chose an awesome astronomical design that incorporated my sun sign, Pisces, as well as a matching throw blanket … all with my name on them. I mean… who doesn’t want a matching planner and soft, plushy throw?? Just me?? Ok then!! (Trust me… you won’t regret the throw… I’m in love and have to steal it back from my hubs and kiddo all the time lol).

Of course I have some smaller goals on my list too…. be more timely with folding and putting away laundry. Getting rid of clothes and other household items that no longer fit or spark joy for me (thanks Marie Kondo! If you don’t know who or what I’m talking about, check out her books here or her series on Netflix … life changing!). Declutter. Maintain organization. Find happiness and balance in a clean home.

Overall, whether you choose to set “New Year’s Resolutions” or go with my more casual approach of “New Year’s Goals” … I think the most important part is to just keep growing. Keep learning. Keep pushing forward. Find what makes you happy, what you need to improve, what your family needs and go with it! Write it out so you have some accountability to yourself, maybe in your Erin Condren planner, or someplace else that you will see it often… a mirror you look at daily like your bathroom mirror is a great place for this, too! Do check-in’s with yourself often. It’s all about growth – not perfection. Change can happen at any time, not just January 1^st. There are 365 chances for fresh starts every year… Do something daily to improve your life… you will thank yourself later!

Scentsy … My HONEST Experience as a Consultant

Over the years, I’ve dabbled quite a bit in the field of direct sales (also referred to as MLM, Multi-Level Marketing). There have definitely been some ups ands downs, as well as a TON of learning curves, to say the least. One of the biggest things I’ve learned over the years is to only go with a company that you LOVE, has products that you ACTUALLY use, and has a solid background that shares similar beliefs.

I had been a long time customer of Scentsy before even thinking about signing on as an Independent Sales Consultant. I had their wickless wax warmers in my home for several years, and would reach out to my local consultant when I needed a refill on my wax supply. Back in August of 2017, they were running a special promo for new reps (which they do often!) and I decided to sign up just so I could get the same products I’ve been using, but get them at a great price, with an easy way to earn free products and half off items. It was essentially a win-win.

Once I signed on, I would try out different product lines, and found that I LOVED their laundry line, and cleaning line. They were so much more than just wax and I never realized it! Best part, I was getting them at a discount for using party rewards from when my friends or family would place orders!! Another win-win!! Who doesn’t love a discount?!

Lets talk getting PAID to share products you love… ummm, what’s not to love about that?! Scentsy offers a compensation plan that starts at 20% of product sales, and eventually bumps up to 25%, in addition to being able to make additional percentages if you choose to grow your “team” (this refers to people who sign up with Scentsy with you as there sponsor, or mentor). They also have incentives for selling a certain amount during your initial start up period!

I know a lot of you are thinking… all those MLM people are sooooo pushy! Well, the truth is, you don’t have to be! Share occasionally on your Facebook, make a shopping group or IG to promote sales or specials going on. Give your friends samples and catalogs. Ask your hairdresser or nail tech if you can leave a few catalogs in their waiting room. Word of mouth from your satisfied customers, and actually using the products yourself is what people like to see. They like to ask you what your favorite scent is, or what you would recommend. So you get to know your products, find your favorites, and share! When someone places an order, give them a few samples and a catalog to share with their friends if they’d like. Its not all about the outdated “in home” parties that used to be popular years ago … ain’t nobody got time for that anymore. Lets face it… people are BUSY and trying to get a bunch of your girlfriends together at the same time to see what you are selling is not so feasible. (***side note*** A great alternative to the traditional party is to get together with a few of your friends who work in direct sales and make a girls night party out of it! You can order from each-other or your other friends … think mini vendor fair… and show off a few of your favorite products without having the pressure of a solo showcase of all of your items. It’s a great way to network and exchange catalogs and ideas!)

From my experience, I have months where I have over $1000 in sales, down to months when I only sell less than $100… and that’s ok! Life gets hectic, and sometimes I just don’t have the time to share my products or what I’m melting this week. It’s all about what you put in and what your goals are.

All in all, I love that I am a consultant for Scentsy. It’s a nice little side hustle, and the perks are great since I’m already using these products all over my home. The small initial investment has certainly paid for itself. There is a small monthly fee of $10 to keep your website active, which only requires $50 in sales a month to pay for itself.

Here are some of the key FAQ directly quoted from the Scentsy Website for your quick reference!! More info can be found by clicking here!

What is Scentsy?

“Scentsy is a direct selling company and international leader in home and personal fragrance, offering stylish, innovative and customizable products designed to Warm the Heart, Enliven the Senses and Inspire the Soul. Scentsy products are sold by a network of Scentsy Consultants in 11 countries.”

What does it mean to be an Independent Scentsy Consultant?

“As an Independent Scentsy Consultant, you are an independent business owner authorized to sell Scentsy products for a commission. You have the freedom to control when and where you work your business, and you can increase your commission by selling more products or earning residual income from friends and family you’ve recruited to join your team.”

Where are Scentsy products made?

“Scentsy’s wickless candles and home-fragrance products are made in Scentsy’s state-of-the-art manufacturing facilities in Meridian, Idaho, USA. Our warmers are designed by Scentsy and made to our exact specifications by the skilled artisans employed by our manufacturing partner in China.”

What does Scentsy sell?

“The Scentsy Diffuser instantly fills the air with world-class fragrant all-natural and essential Scentsy Oils, while Scentsy’s flagship product line of scented, wax Scentsy Bars heated in handcrafted warmers provides a safe, personal alternative to traditional candles. Additional product lines include on-the-go fragrances, laundry care, inventive cleaning solutions and luxurious personal care products for women, men and kids — all featuring exclusive Scentsy fragrance.”

About Scentsy

The Scentsy Diffuser instantly fills the air with world-class fragrant all-natural and essential oils, while Scentsy’s flagship product line of scented, wax Scentsy Bars heated in handcrafted warmers provides a safe, personalized alternative to traditional candles.

Additional product lines include on-the-go fragrances, laundry care, inventive cleaning solutions and luxurious personal care products for women, men and kids — all infused with exclusive Scentsy fragrance. Scentsy products are sold through a network of Independent Consultants running home-based businesses throughout North America, Europe, Australia and New Zealand.”

Company Facts

Founded in 2004
Headquartered in Meridian, Idaho, USA
Distribution sites in Meridian, Idaho, USA; Lexington, Kentucky, USA; Coppell, Texas, USA; Sydney, New South Wales, Australia; and Warsaw, Poland
Wax manufactured in Meridian, Idaho, USA
Operating in the United States and its territories, Canada, Mexico, Germany, Austria, France, Spain, Ireland, the United Kingdom, Australia and New Zealand, with sales-only operations in Italy, Poland and Luxembourg
Privately held, owned and operated by Orville and Heidi Thompson
First location was a 40-foot ocean container on a small Idaho sheep farm
Company employees: 1,000+
Method of sales/distribution: Direct sales, party plan
Independent Consultants (distributors): 100,000 and growing

Post Op Essentials for Every Bariatric Patient

As I sit here and write this, I’m slowly sipping on my favorite Crystal Light Lemon Iced Tea out of one of my favorite, go-to tumblers… Perfect to throw in my bag, and at 32 ounces, I only need to drink two of these a day to hit my minimum fluid intake. It brings me back to the first days out of surgery, when the “sip, sip, sip” mentality was key! So, it made me start to wonder what some of the most essential items were that I needed at home while recovering from my Gastric Bypass surgery. Below you will find a list of my recovery tips and some of my favorite things I had after surgery!

A comfy spot, such as a recliner or comfy couch, with all of your essentials within reach! I set up a little “work station” next to my recliner with everything I needed handy during recovery.

The spirometer they sent home with me from the hospital, so I could make sure my breathing was up to par.

Small sippy cups so you can sip, sip, sip the one ounce a time they tell you to. Most hospitals and doctors will provide you with those little plastic, ounce sized medication cups to bring home with you if you ask. This makes your “one ounce at a time” drinking habit thoughtless!

Gas-X… The bloating and air they inflate you with during surgery can be one of the biggest complaints post-surgery for most people. Gas-X chewables were a lifesaver for me post-op (and still to this day, to be honest!).

Heating pad… this is helpful for the aches and pains, as well as the discomfort and bloating on your tummy.

LOTS of pre-tested protein drinks and fluids that you LOVE! You really want to have everything tested and stocked up, ready for when you get home. Preparation is key!! You don’t want to be experimenting while trying to recover. I think this is important so you can meet your fluid and protein intake quotas for the day. Sugar free and no sugar added ice pops were also another big staple for me (as long as they were dietician approved!)

A blender or food processor (or both!) … this will make prepping shakes and mushy/soft foods a lot easier! These are my personal favorites, and definitely staples in my kitchen to this day! I also have this awesome portable blender for when I need to make shakes on the go!

Small containers for food/mushy food storage… It’s no secret that I’m addicted to kitchen stuff! I made sure I had an assortment of tiny (4 oz or so sized) containers so I could prep and store several meals at a time. Meal prep and making things easy and simple is another key to success (starting to catch a theme here? lol).

A good, easy to use food scale… you’ll need to measure your food out and know your portion sizes, so having one you like (and know how to use) will make this a lot easier. This will also make it easier to log your food intake and calorie/protein/carb count.

A set of measuring spoons and measuring cups… see above 🙂

A good personal scale… for me, I like to weigh myself every other day or so and having a WIFI scale that links to my phone has made it super easy to track and keep myself motivated!

A lunch box with ice packs, or bento boxes, which are a personal favorite … this makes taking your food on the go easy, and the bento box is PERFECT for portion control once you’ve measured out your portions. Also, I find the bento boxes really fun, and they come in all sorts of materials, shapes and colors… I might have a small collection.

Fun, small plates and utensils… This is something that has followed me from my LapBand days, and I still use! Tiny plates and forks tend to make a meal look like its “more” … you can have a full plate, but still be on track with your portion sizes. I have all sorts of plates that I love, as well as many sets of toddler sized utensils (even a set in my pocket book!) that I still use, almost a year out from surgery.

Books, laptop, chargers, remotes… things to keep you entertained while resting, and within reach. I also enjoy knitting as a hobby, so I made sure I had a new project and all the supplies ready to go. I had a few of my favorite magazines and a couple new books to read, my laptop and chargers plugged in and ready to go.

Info packet from the surgeon with your post-op instructions… you’ll be referring to them often, so you will want to keep them handy. Read them thoroughly know what you are supposed to do, how often, and who to reach out to incase of questions or an emergency.

Lap Desk… because I’m a dork, and I can’t be away from work or my laptop for too long, I got this comfy lap desk so I could put my computer, paperwork, or whatever I’m working on at the moment right on my lap in a comfortable position.

Comfy blankets and your favorite pillow… because comfort is important, obviously! And you might get cold lol. Plus, a lot of people find sleeping in a recliner more comfortable right after surgery, because it’s easier to get in and out of when your belly is still tender.

Liquid Tylenol… I find this helpful instead of taking the heavier medication, especially since a lot of doctors are shying away from prescribing them anyway.

Slip on walking shoes or good slippers… walking will also be key after surgery… it helps get the gases out, as well as helps prevent blood clots. Most doctors will want you up and walking as soon and as often as you can tolerate it.

These are just the things I personally found helpful! I had my recliner and end table all set up, so when I got home, I was ready to roll, and didn’t have to worry about getting everything together and put into place while I was still sore. If you can think of anything else that helped you, drop a comment below!!

xoxo – Cheryl

(As always, these are from personal experience, and some doctors may have other requirements or suggestions…. Please consult your doctor with any questions or concerns you have! I am NOT a medical professional… just sharing my personal experiences with the hope of helping guide others and make their journeys easier.)

A Moment in the Life of a Marine Veteran’s Wife

Tonight, I’m sitting in my living room, listening to my step son interview my husband over the dining room table for a Boy Scout Merit Badge he is working on. He is asking him questions about his time in the US Marine Corps, his deployments, his medals, and most importantly, his friend Johnny. I had almost forgotten about the battles and the war. The trauma he survived. The Bronze Star and Purple Heart that he doesn’t ever talk about. It’s so easy to get caught up in the day to day humdrum of life and forget the trauma they have been through and all the extreme experiences they have survived. PTSD and survivor’s guilt are real, and not frequently talked about.

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When you have been through war, nonetheless as part of a reconnaissance unit in the USMC, it changes you. That is undeniable. How it changes each person is different, but a change down to the core is consistent. Many men and women come home and either don’t know how to cope with the transition, or don’t want to talk about it. It can take many years of therapy and work before these life altering experiences can be discussed without causing further trauma. I remember back early on in our relationship, my husband saying that he never could open up and talk about his time overseas until he had met me. I partially think that having my own battles with mental health had made him feel more comfortable talking about his experiences with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) and having a TBI (traumatic brain injury). Life takes on different necessities with both of these conditions, as it does with someone who suffers from anxiety or depression, like I do. It’s a challenge daily, but not unbearable all of the time… especially when you are fighting a battle with a partner who somewhat understands, to the best of their abilities.

My husband often says how he isn’t deserving of the medals he received because he just did what he was supposed to do or what any true Marine would do. But he does deserve them. He put his own life on the line to save his “brothers”, all while being injured himself. He is a strong and resilient man, and in all honesty, I’m embarrassed to say that it sometimes slips my mind when dealing with everyday life. Tonight, I was reminded of so many of these life experiences while listening to my two guys talk.

My step son is named after my husband’s best friend from the Marine Corps, who unfortunately never made it home (pictured above). During my husband’s first Iraq deployment, Johnny was fatally injured in an attack just before my husband was injured and earned his Purple Heart. Long story short, after that deployment, my husband had met his now ex-wife, got married, and my step son was conceived. Then came his 3rd deployment, his 2nd to Iraq. That’s where he received his Bronze Star during an IED attack that initiated an ambush on his unit. These events still haunt him to this day. The flashbacks and vivid memories … the night terrors. It can only take a minute for my husband to feel like he is right back in those situations, at any time, and often without warning. Wondering why it wasn’t him, or why he was chosen to make it out alive.

When he returned home, she was 7 months pregnant with this amazing little boy on the way. Although I never had the privilege of meeting Johnny, I know he would be proud of the little man that my step son is becoming. Listening to him ask his dad such intriguing, yet delicate questions with so much interest, curiosity and respect, it’s hard not to be proud. They have now moved from the dining room table to the kitchen, and George is telling our son stories about Johnny. They are laughing and joking about going to the motocross track in between deployments, and Johnny hitting a jump the wrong way and splitting his chin open right before the Marine Corps Ball. He had to get stiches and got a “no shave chit” for having a goatee covering his stitches, since he was unable to shave. He was the captain of his high school’s football team and the student body president… “your all-American kid?” my son asks his dad. “Yup” George says, “pretty much!”. He is telling stories about taking trips to Wilmington in Johnny’s Mustang, that he loved and was so proud of. His parents still have that car, parked in their barn in Wisconsin. All the antics they got into, and camaraderie they shared. A very special friendship, and a very special namesake for my step son. He’s always proud to tell anyone the story of how he got his name. He certainly has some big shoes to fill, and I’m undoubtedly sure he will.

It’s easy to slip into the pattern of day to day life, especially when things get hectic between custody battles, court, surgeries, school, work and just life in general. It’s easy to forget about the past when we are so wrapped up in the present or worrying about the future. It’s easy to get mad over little things or stressed out for seemlying unnecessary reasons, in retrospect. Sitting and listening to this conversation tonight renewed that proudness and respect I have for my husband, and all that he’s been through. The past few years have been tough for us as a couple, to say the least, but I truly had forgotten about what he had been through before this. Before becoming a dad, and before our meeting and getting married. The truth is, all of those experiences in the Marines shaped him to be the man he is today. Someone I am so truly proud of. Often, we go back and forth, being the rock for each other when the other one needs it. Now that life has settled down a little, we can finally look back, and not be under so much pressure. We can enjoy the life we are currently living, be grateful for all the blessings that God had given us, and gently remember that tomorrow is never promised.

xoxo – Cheryl

Why I Chose to Start a Blog … & the Reasons Behind My Why

I often think about why I started a blog. I feel like I have a lot of experience with a few different life situations that I could share with other people with the hopes of helping them know that they are not alone. Sometimes just knowing you aren’t alone is enough to ease the pain or confusion of most life altering experiences. You, in fact, are not alone… no matter what season of life you are going through, or what hardship you are facing. Someone knows your struggle and little tidbits of advice are out there if you know where to find them.

My world was completely turned upside down in November 2017 as I’ve written about some of my other blog posts. My stepson, who had previously only been with us on weekends, was now residing at our house full-time, unexpectedly. I pretty much got a crash course instantly, learning firsthand how to be a mother. If there’s one other mom out there who goes from being a part-time stepmom to a full-time mother overnight, I want to be able to help her know she is not alone.

Going through bariatric surgery for the first time in 2007, and then having my LapBand removed in 2015, has given me a lot of first-hand experience with different types of complications and living life with having weight loss surgery. Then, add in having gastric bypass in June 2018… I consider myself a slightexpert on the subject lol. I’ve learned a lot along the bariatric journey by trial and error, spent thousands upon thousands of dollars on different products or protein shakes to find out what’s good and what is not. Shopped many different stores to find out who had the best prices and the best customer service. And I would love to be able to share that experience that I have and any words of wisdom with somebody else who may be going to the same thing, or who is considering having surgery.

flight sky sunset men — Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Being the wife of a wounded veteran is also something that came with lots of trials and tribulations. I did not know a thing about PTSD or what a TBI was prior to meeting my husband. I spent countless hours researching all that I could to find about life after being an infantry Marine. I took a long time to find people with actual experience that could help me and guide me along the way. There were probably about 1000 calls made to our local VA hospital to learn the ropes of the system. I single-handedly helped my husband become service-connected, which was no easy feat in itself. I didn’t know what life is going to entail with a husband whose wounds are not visible. He looks completely normal on the outside, and to most people, they wouldn’t know any different. But there’s nightmares and night terrors, and forgetfulness and constant reminders so that things operate smoothly in our home. If I can help with one other wife or a girlfriend of a wounded warrior understand that although some days may seem like a challenge, that there is a bright light at the end of the tunnel, that’s why am doing this.

To any other woman who has been married and divorced in her 20s and then remarried in her later 20s. This is for you. To any other a 33-year-old woman who does not have any children of her own, this is for you. For the women who struggle with infertility and PCOS, and the constant questions of when you’re going to grow your family, you’re not alone. This is real, and so is the pain and defeat.

There are so many people in this world that I get inspired by, and I dream to be like them someday. Rachel Hollis is an amazing example of this. As she says, she has no formal education and has learned everything with the help of a Google search bar. I want the world to know that anything is possible when you set your mind to it. I have no formal education when it comes to writing. I graduated high school and actually despised English/Language Arts my entire life… right down to being in remedial reading classes until I practically graduated high school. But sharing my experiences in life brings a different meaning to writing. I want to help people, and let people know that they are not alone. Give tidbits of advice that I’ve learned along the way or tips from a path that I have forged myself. I took cosmetology classes in high school and then proceeded to go back to school for automotive mechanics. I took one semester of college… a total of three classes… and manage to fail one of those classes. So, writing isn’t something you would exactly expect from me. I’ve worked for the past 15 years in my family’s trucking business, wearing every hat from paperwork girl to dispatcher to HBIC (Head B*tch In Charge, in case you were wondering lol). Becoming knowledgeable and exceeding the expectations of a young female in my industry is something that I’m extremely proud of. I got thrown into the ringers of dispatch many years back when my father went into the hospital for stomach pains and ended up being admitted to the hospital for almost a month with a severe diverticulitis attack that resulted in several surgeries. I taught myself as I went along, and pretty much faked it till I made it… all while feeling the weight of 10 full-time employees, and their families, relying on the job I was doing.

There is nothing in this world that you could not achieve if you can dream it. I am such a firm believer in this. I finally, after many years of what seemed like “just floating by”, have a solid plan and goals established for myself. I want to make an impact on the world, even if its only one person. I want to get my family out of debt. Between taking on the responsibilities of being a full-time stepmom, and the astronomical fees of having to fight a court case, this really derailed my husbands and my financial plan. So, my goal, each day, is to work towards making up the deficit in my income from my full-time job and help my family get out of this debt. Beyond that, we would love to move and build a home together. I’ve never been one to settle for mediocre, and I’ve always wanted to do great things. Success was not an option, it was the only option. I have a strong determination and pretty much the perseverance of a marathon runner to accomplish my dreams. And I want to help anybody else who has that same fire burning in their soul, get where they want to be. I want to help people, I want people to know that no matter what season of life they are currently in that there is a silver lining ahead. That on your weakest days, know that you are the one who can pull yourself up by your bootstraps.

As I sit in traffic, talking to my iPad as it types this blog for me, I realize I am very grateful for all the things I do have in my life. I’m grateful for the work ethic that was instilled in me as a child. I’m grateful for the capability to love a child that I did not bear myself, more than anything in this world. I am grateful that I have a great man who loves me and despite our difficulties, I know he is there behind me 100%. So, what do you all my fellow women out there, and maybe even men too, keep your chin up… You can do it… I have faith in you.

xoxo – Cheryl

PS – I chose BlueHost as my blogging platform and I couldn’t be happier! They have made it super easy to get my blog up and running, and for a lot less money than I had anticipated! Click the link below to sign up if blogging is your dream! If we never take risks, we will never know the rewards! And I certainly stand behind BlueHost and am very satisfied with choosing them as my blogging platform!

My ONE THING I do Every Week to Keep My Sanity as a Busy Mom, Wife & Boss-lady!

The one, and probably most important, word of advice I can give any other busy mom, wife or boss-lady, is to make time for yourself!

It took me forever to learn this valuable lesson. After almost 5 years with my wounded warrior husband, over a year after becoming a full-time step mom, and about 8 months into my bariatric journey 2.0 with the RNY gastric bypass, I can finally say that this is something I make sure I do for myself every week and it has helped my mental well-being tremendously.

Now, I will say, “me-time” can come in funny ways… for me, its grocery shopping. Crazy, right?? Well, let me back track here a little bit. I recently discovered Wegman’s… now, if you aren’t familiar, it’s like the Taj Mahal of grocery stores, in my opinion at least. BUT, the closest one is about 45 minutes from my home. I use Walmart Grocery Pick Up for my bulk items and most of the food for my hubby and kiddo. But once a week, I take a trip down to Wegmans. This is where I get most of my food for my bariatric journey. So, in addition to my time alone, it’s also like a treat, getting to shop for foods JUST for me.

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The one rule I do have though is I always go alone. Selfish, right??? Nope! Not at all. I go on an evening when my husband is home with our son, or when he’s visiting his bio-mom. This time is reserved just for me! No husband, no kids, no dogs, no “work” … just me! I listen to my favorite podcasts on my way there and on the way home. I take my time cruising the aisles of the store without interruption or people nagging me for other stuff. I pick out the high-quality, protein dense foods my body needs and deserves along this journey of transformation.

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I often go after a long day at work, but I find it so refreshing. I feel like I’m getting that solo time to unwind, regroup and get ready for the week ahead. I get all of my food to last me the week, and its food I look forward to eating, because I know it’s healthy.

The other part of this is my podcasts or audible books (PS – if you click that link, you can get a free, 30 day trial to Audible from Amazon!). I really think I was living under a rock before I found them. I look forward to the new podcasts each week that I subscribe to, or the next chapter in a book I’m listening to. It falls in line with my 2019 goal of always working to learn something new and working on better myself. So, between the healthy grocery shipping, and the podcasts/books, it’s a win-win.

We can’t be the best wife, mother or worker that we can be, or to our best potential, without taking that much needed time for ourselves. This is just one of the things I do for myself every week. Sometimes it’s taking a nice, Sunday evening bubble bath (I LOVE my Lush bath bombs!), or a little time in my hot tub on an evening during a busy week. Maybe it’s going to a paint & sip, grabbing a coffee with your girlfriends, or taking that yoga class you keep putting off.

Make some time for you this week!

xoxo Cheryl

10 Things Every Bariatric Patient Needs to Bring to the Hospital (or wish they did!)

Here’s my list of must haves (or wish I had!) when I went in for any of my surgeries, but most recently from my Gastric Bypass/RNY surgery when I stayed in the hospital for 2 nights! I hope you find this list helpful!

Lip Balm / Chapstick – This is a game-changer! Your lips will be dry from surgery, and Chapstick will feel absolutely amazing to rehydrate your lips. Plus, you’ll also be sipping little bits at a time, this will help you keep moisturized and avoid those awful feeling chapped lips! Here is one of my favorite lip balms (and the awesome scent/flavor will feel like a treat!).

Extra-long Phone Charger (or an extension cord) – One thing I can’t live without anywhere, nonetheless while stuck in the hospital, is a super long phone charger cable! It makes it more comfortable to be on your phone while it’s on the charger, so you aren’t trying to twist and turn to get it off the charger when needed! Here is the one on Amazon I use and have several of them for use everywhere!

Your Own Pillow – Nothing will make you feel more at home than having your own pillow to sleep on while you are staying at the hospital! Plus, this also helps for the ride home to help cushion your sensitive tummy from bumps and rough roads!

Something to Read – Whatever you like to keep occupied! Maybe your favorite magazine, or a great new book! I also liked having my iPad because I could stream shows to my headphones without bothering other people!

Slippers with Great Tread and Cozy Socks – Any time I have to go in for surgery, I always treat myself to a fresh, new pair of slippers! And they are usually the same Ugg Coquette slippers that I have used since my first round of bariatric surgery in 2007. They are warm, have GREAT tread, and are slip on! You can find them here. In addition, some fresh, cozy, soft socks would be great to have in your bag in case your toes get cold.

Comfy, Baggy Clothes to Wear Home & Around the Hospital – You’ll want to have loose fitting, comfy clothes to head home in. You certainly wouldn’t want to put on tight jeans right after having abdominal surgery! I found my biggest t-shirt, and comfiest sweats to pack for the trip home. I also had an extra set packed to wear around the hospital once they let me out of my gown. A non-constrictive bralette would also be a great thing to pack if you don’t want “the girls” hanging loose … I have a few that I LOVE to wear all the time when I don’t really feel like wearing a full out bra lol.

A Robe – I’m not a huge robe fan normally, but I found this robe and fell in LOVE. Like, no joke, I could wear this ALL. THE. TIME. Reason for this in the hospital bag is because they will want you up and walking as soon and as often as possible! And no one wants their tushy giving away a free show while your pacing the hospital halls. Plus, you’ll look stylish and comfy as hell lol!

A Throw Blanket – Not only will this help you stay warm, but it’s also nice to have something else from home to bring comfort when you are away. I have a million throw blankets… borderline addiction maybe … but I seriously bring them everywhere! I have this one in my car because I find I am always cold, especially in the car with my hubby!

A Hair Brush, Extra Hair Ties, and Dry Shampoo – Now, I don’t know about you, but I seem to go through hair ties like water… I am ALWAYS losing them! So having a few extra on hand is never a bad idea. A hair brush because no one wants bed head lol. And for those of you who already love it as much as I do, dry shampoo! This will give your hair a little more life and freshen it up a bit… I mean, who doesn’t feel better when their hair is good?? Another tip – bring a beanie or a hat if you don’t feel like messing with your hair – problem solved!

Bathroom Essentials – All the normal, go to bathroom essentials you would pack when you travel… tooth brush, tooth paste, deodorant, shampoo and conditioner if you’re feeling up to showering.

If there is anything else you can think of, comment below and let the other readers know!! Thanks again for popping by and taking the time to read!

xoxo Cheryl

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How I manage to balance being a Mom, Wife & Boss with multitasking!

Ahhh…. It’s Friday night, 6:15PM and I’m still sitting at my desk at work. This week has been extremely long and draining. Luckily, my step kiddo is with his biological mother tonight so I can put in a few extra hours at the office. Much needed time to get caught up and squared away for the busy weekend. Plus, I tend to work more productively when I’m alone in my office… this would only be better had I brought wine!

With a little bit of downtime, I’ve been thinking a lot about how I manage to find balance when things get chaotic. I have always struggled with finding a work-life/home-life/personal-growth balance. Working hard and being on a constant business hustle… I got that down pat! Being the wife of a wounded warrior, one thing I have learned to adjust to is sudden obstacles and last-minute change of plans (you can check out an early post I wrote about this here). But becoming a full-time stepmom almost a year and a half ago, THAT through a lot into upheaval. Talk about learning a new schedule, new lifestyle, and trying to fit 8 million new-to-me tasks into a small, 24-hour period, and still get a few hours of sleep at night… while still trying to work a full-time job and keep my home in one piece.

Now that I’ve got the mom situation under control a little more, I’ve been working on finding a balance in the three most important areas in my life so that all three are fulfilled and given the attention that they deserve. Here’s what a typical day looks like for me, and how I’ve managed to multitask and streamline some things to find a better balance and more productive environment for everyone in our household.

5:30AM – the alarm clock goes off…. It’s time to get kiddo up and ready for school. I hit snooze a few too many times, and by 5:45 I’m up and on the move. While kiddo is getting ready, I head out to the kitchen, let the dogs out, feed them, make kiddo his over-easy egg & get his vitamins and meds ready for him to take.

6:30AM – kiddo is off to school and this is when I will take a little time to load the dishwasher, start a load of laundry or tidy up a little bit before I have to get myself ready for work. Somedays, I can’t deny it…. I will definitely crawl back under my nice warm covers and set the alarm for 30 minutes. Anyone else get the most amazing sleep when you know you’re supposed to be awake, but you just can’t help it? No? Just me? LOL

7:00AM – time to get myself ready for work… jump in the shower, get dressed, you know, the normal morning routine. I make sure I take my meds and my vitamins, pack my lunch and snacks for the day, and off to work I go.

Now while I’m at work, my laundry is going, my Roomba is vacuuming, and any dishes from this morning are in the dish drain drying. Seriously thou, I LOVE my Roomba… it’s so nice to come home to clean floors daily!! Its automatically set to go every day at 10AM and I can always just ask Alexa to start the vacuum. I definitely love technology that makes my life simpler!

8:00AM – the work day starts… I wear a few different crowns in my career, but most days I’m at my desk, processing paperwork and taking customer calls.

Early afternoon – I leave work to go pick up the kiddo from the bus stop. Some days, I will run and pick up my grocery order on my way home (I use Walmart Grocery for the EASIEST pick up! I simply add things via the app or my computer, place the order, and pick it up! They even load it into my car and I’m off! Click the link above for a promo code to get $10 off your first order!). Any time I’m in the car alone, I’m all about the podcasts or books on Audible (get a great deal for new subscribers by clicking that link!!)… You can find some of my favorite books I’ve listened to recently here. I recently discovered them, and it has made my time in the car feel so much more productive. I love listening to my fav girl, Rachel Hollis, or other learning, self-help, or inspirational podcasts or books (you can find some of them here!).

I get home, will put groceries away if it’s a grocery day, let the dogs out for a quick walk, swap over laundry, pack my kiddo’s “work bag” with his favorite snacks, iPod and a book. I’ll scroll Facebook or Instagram(check me out via those links for the most up-to-date info on whats going on in my life! Id really appreciate it!)while I’m waiting at his bus stop, and back to work we go! He’ll do his homework then relax for a bit while I finish up my work day.

5:00PMish – time to head back home! Kiddo will feed the dogs and empty the Roomba while I get dinner started. I try to utilize my Crock Pot or Instant Pot as much as possible to help cut down on the dinner cook time and make then nights chores a little less hectic. I’ll do whatever other chores that need to be taken care of while dinner cooks. I’ll often make myself a shake, because once everything is taken care of on the home front, its time for me to hit the gym. I’ll usually try to head to the gym to get some cardio in around 6:30-7 and be home around 8ish to tuck kiddo in to do it all again tomorrow!

8:30PM or so – I’ll take care of any last-minute chores, spend a little time writing, prepare any shipments for eBay or my small Etsy shop, maybe even catch up on some of my guilty pleasure TV show, then its bedtime for this tired mama!!

Now, we do have a lot of variations that go on in our schedule, like nights we have therapist appointments, Boy Scouts, or firehouse meetings. Each day is a little different, plus you never know what will get thrown your way! I also work in a crazy-hectic environment, so some days I’m stuck at work till 7 or 8 at night, or I have to be up for work at 5AM… we just adjust our schedule and routine as needed.

Lately, life has taught me a lot about learning how to roll with the punches. Things don’t always go as planned, and some nights you are just too tired to get it all done. And that’s OK!! Just make sure those things that are put off today are a priority tomorrow. Most of the time, if something wasn’t done the day before, I will try to get it done the following morning when I have a little time to myself. Moral of the story… find balance. Whether it be getting up early to make your morning go easier or listening to podcasts to help yourself grow while you are in the car, do it. You’ll be happy you did.

Bonus Tip! – My Apple Calendar has been a LIFESAVER! I linked it to my email, so my phone, laptop, desktop and even my husband’s cell phone ALL have the SAME calendar. This way everyone knows what’s going on and what’s scheduled for that day, including our son’s custody schedule. I even put my workouts and date nights on the calendar to help with accountability!

How I Turned a Co-Parenting Conflict into a Lesson on Inner Peace

I am relentless. I am relentless. I am relentless…

This was my mantra I chose tonight as I took a meditation class at my gym for the first time. I got this from a book I just finished on Audible, “Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life” by Gary John Bishop. (I made that super easy for you… just click the link and it will bring you to Amazon !) Such an awesome and motivational book if you get the chance to read it, and even better if you listen to it on Audible, because you get to listen to it in Bishop’s handsome Scottish accent 😉

I need to remind myself of this often when dealing with life in general, but more specially this evening, when dealing with my son’s high-conflict biological mother; HCBM as often used on the step-mothering support groups I am part of on Facebook.

I got home from work today, feeling unusually exhausted. Like, can’t keep my eyes open, pass me the toothpicks kind of exhausted. Ever feel that way?? Anyhow, I got kiddo from the bus stop, helped fix him a snack, and tried to rest up a bit because I knew I NEEDED to get to the gym tonight. I don’t usually go to the gym on Mondays, but this was the first week I was able to make the commitment to myself to try out this mediation class they offer. I figured, since I’m going to be there anyway, I should plan my excursion to include some cardio since I slacked off in that department this past week. I’ll start by saying I’m a huge believer in the saying, “all things happen for a reason” … Boy was I right… I couldn’t have picked a better night to try this class out!

So, I get dinner made, lunches prepped for tomorrow, goodnight hugs and kisses to my kiddo and husband (since I would be home after they would both already be sleeping), put on my workout clothes and headed out. I got to the gym, did my 30 minutes on the treadmill, and headed to the locker room to get ready for the guided meditation. Side note, if you have never tried a guided mediation, YOU NEED TO! Extremely relaxing and helps get rid of all the stress and tension you ae holding onto. As I’m putting my phone in my locker, I get an alert from Talking Parents, the communication portal my husband and I use to communicate with his son’s mother. I read the first message… a response which was a pleasant surprise to what I thought would be a conflict. Phew, we dodged a bullet. Then I get a second notification. This time, a not-so-pleasant message. I’ll spare you the details, but if you have to co-parent with a high-conflict biological parent, I’m sure you can only imagine.

This is where it all falls into place. I normally would let this type of message manifest and infuriate me, slowly eating at my soul until I physically felt sick to my stomach. No other human should ever have that type of power over you. No one. Not even yourself… negative self-talk is the devil, Bobby Boucher! (Que corny quote from The Waterboy lol).

Tonight, I took a different approach. I forwarded the message to my husband, agreed that not responding would be our best bet at this time, and told him I was putting my phone in my locker and headed to class. Now, I will say, this was not easy by any means. This was diffidently a challenge in some of the new techniques I’ve been working on implementing in my life. Already tense at the thought of stepping outside of my comfort zone and taking a new class, it’s time to delve on in.

I unrolled my yoga mat, grabbed a bolster and a block, and sat down. I followed suit of everyone else in the room, untied my shoes and sat with my back up against the wall. While going through these motions and getting ready for the class to start in the dark room, with calming music playing in the background, I kept reminding myself that I would not let her take this moment from me. This was my time. This class was for me, and no one else. I was not going to allow these impeding thoughts of negativity ruin the time I had set aside for myself. Accept these thoughts and let them go. And as the class began, that’s what I kept thinking. It was like I was in a one-on-one with the instructor narrating our guided mediation. She was speaking directly to my thoughts. She reminded us that outside thoughts would come up, to accept them, and let them go. To concentrate on our breathing, counting our inhales and exhales. Finding our center and breathing in cool, refreshing air and expelling all tension and negativity. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Towards the end of the class, she told us to pick a mantra that resonated with us in that moment, and to repeat it over and over in our head as we began to wind down the class. “I am relentless, I am relentless, I am relentless” I told myself over and over again. By this, I mean that I will not give up on myself. Not give up on my progress, not give up on my goals. I am relentless.

I feel like I have conquered something tonight. A small victory maybe, but progress is what counts. I allowed myself to be present in the moment, and not let someone else control my emotions. I felt at peace with myself, and not angry or resentful. I was able to focus on me, and the class, and not let the negative talk win. I was able to let go of her hostility, and focus on what really matters, and at that moment, it was taking care of myself. I need to take care of myself, from the inside out, to be the best wife, mother, and all of the other titles I hold. I need to make sure I continue taking these steps, implementing the lessons I’ve learned from these great authors, and focus on me.

You must first put on your own oxygen mask before you can help others.

xoxo – Cheryl

I’m back! Where have I been?

First and foremost, I’d like to welcome you to the new home of the Veteran’s Wife, Bariatric Life blog! After some research and some solid advice from my idol, Rachel Hollis, I’ve decided to break away from Blogspot, aka Blogger, and branch out on my own!

Why I’ve been MIA for the past *almost* two years…

Where do I begin…. I left off telling you about my departure from the LLR cult nightmare and my pursuit of the gastric sleeve. I’m happy to say the door is completely closed with LLR and I had bariatric surgery on June 11^th, 2018!! Slight change in plans thou…. I had GASTRIC BYPASS!! This is the surgery I’ve wanted since they removed my band, but my old surgeon was against. After talking to my gastroenterologist, who happens to be one of my FAVORITE doctors ever, he referred me to an amazing and world-renowned bariatric surgeon in New York City! After meeting with my new surgeon and his kickass team, he agreed with my past history and severe reflux, that RNY (Roux-en-YGastric Bypass) was the best fit for me overall.

Surgery went well, despite only “bypassing” 100 cm of my intestines, instead of the standard 150 cm due to excessive scar tissue. I got to spend a few days in one of the top rated hospitals in the WORLD with an amazing view of the George Washington Bridge from my hospital room (check out my Instagram @veteranswifebariatriclife to see pics from when I was in the hospital!). My recovery was easy, and the transition from liquids, to soft foods, to normal foods was just as easy as the first go-around with my LapBand. I am so in love with my new “tiny tummy”!

Long story short….. things happen for a reason and always go with your gut! Had I not been sidetracked, hell, completely derailed (I’ll get back to the in a little bit), I would have went along with the Gastric Sleeve, despite my gut instinct that it wasn’t for me. I also suspect this had a lot to do with why I was dragging my feet during the process. I wasn’t excited. I tried to be… but deep down, I knew it wasn’t for me. I’m grateful that things turned out the way they did, and the “bigger plan” finally fell into place. I truly feel this surgery was the right fit for me, as I sit here, typing this post, 7 months post op, sipping on a protein shake.

Now the biggest reason I’ve been missing…. I’m a quasi-fulltime step mom now! I honestly do not know where to begin in telling this story. It’s long, and heartbreaking at times. I’ll just take a deep breath and dive right in.

In 2017, by husband (and I…. I put this in parentheses because its technically only my husband… step moms don’t really have any rights “legally” on paper) petitioned for official joint custody of my step son who was 9 at the time. We had a great relationship with his bio-mom and she was completely on board. We had him every weekend, from Friday to Sunday, as it was anyhow, and life was perfect. This worked well for all of us. I would take him to his baseball games during the week if his bio-mom had work, or if his step dad was busy with his son’s baseball team. Now it was time to put it on paper. We didn’t even have to appear before the judge and everything was agreed upon mutually.

Then it was like an atomic bomb was dropped… it was Friday, November 3^rd. I had picked my step son up early from school that day, as I had to get him to my parents’ house for the night so my husband and I could attend a good friend of ours wedding. On our way down from school, the flood gates opened and my kiddo had unleashed a fury of heartbreaking information. Stories of both physical & mental abuse, alcoholism, and neglect that broke my heart and completely blindsided my husband and myself. I had to pull over the car, and I held this poor, sweet, innocent 10 year old as he cried his eyes out and shook in fear that “CPS would come and take him and his siblings away” because he “told someone” what was happening. The only thing I could do was assure him that everything was going to be ok, that daddy and I would protect him, and that we were proud of him for telling me what was going on. The breaking point; lobster. A South African Lobster Tail he had so excitedly told his mother and step father about after going to dinner with my parents one week prior. They had went out to dinner to celebrate their one year anniversary of being “grandparents” so my husband and I could enjoy our first wedding anniversary together. Apparently, kids are not supposed to order lobster, and he was “reprimanded” for doing so. My parents didn’t care… they were the ones footing the bill… they told him he could anything he wanted, and this wasn’t his first time ordering his favorite lobster. He was excited to tell his older step brother and even wanted to take him there for his birthday, so he could have the famous giant lobster tail, too.

This was just the tip of a huge iceberg we were about to crash into. First thing Monday morning, we were in court, filing an order of protection and establishing emergency custody. I’ll spare you the details of a very long and painfully drawn out story, but after a full year plus, countless court dates and thousands upon thousands of dollars in legal fees, we now have primary physical custody and joint legal custody. The things that we went through as a family, I would never wish that on anyone. I spent 8 months driving him to and from his old school, an hour each way… that’s 4 hours in the car A DAY for me… 5 days a week… for EIGHT months. To say this took a toll on me mentally and physically would be an understatement. I was now in charge of someone else; making sure he was fed, bathed, nourished, healthy, happy… it was a learning curve. Anything and everything that had to do with me had to take a back seat (as well as my pursuit of bariatric surgery, round 2). I cried many days once I had dropped him off, knowing that I would have to squeeze an 8 hour workday into 4 hours that I was there, and seeing what seemed like no end in sight. But there would be an end… or at least a break from the craziness. I’m blessed to have an amazing child in my life, who is now 11, and thriving. Doing A-MAZE-ING in his new school district. Who is unbelievably well-behaved and well mannered. Who often reminds me that I’m doing a great job as his step mom, even when I question myself.

All in all, I am blessed. I am lucky. The custody situation is closed, for now. Surgery is DONE. I am on my way to a happier, healthier me. I’ve been working on finding the balance between family-care and self-care. Working on making myself a priority while still making sure my family is well taken care of. It’s no longer a weekend mom gig … it’s a 7-day-a-week mom gig. I have to put this tiny human first, while also putting my health and wellbeing first as well.

Here’s to 2019…. A year of self-improvement, thanks to my recent discovery of Podcasts and Audible …. Why didn’t I know about you when I was in the car for 4 hours a day!?! LOL

xoxo Cheryl