Veteran’s Wife – Veteran's Wife, Bariatric Life

Why I DO NOT Believe in New Year’s “Resolutions”

So it’s a Friday evening, and I’m sitting here enjoying a nice relaxing pedicure, and realized it’s been a really long time since I wrote a blog post. I’ve been meaning to write this one since last year actually. Being the new year is upon us, I figured I’d share about why I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions. It’s something that weighs on my mind every single year when I see people making a promise to themselves to change everything under the sun about their lives, beginning on one single day… this year more so because it’s the beginning of a new decade; not just a new year.

I’m all for change and self-improvement … don’t get me wrong. It’s not that. I just feel like the entire “resolution” process in particular is setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. People tend to get really hyped up and dive in full force, only to overwhelm themselves and fall flat. I like to refer to my take on the new year as “New Year’s Goals” as opposed to resolutions. I think goals aren’t as harshly defined, but yet have set good intentions for the upcoming year. How many times do you here of someone being disappointed in themselves for falling off their resolution wagon, only a few days or weeks into the year?? It’s all too common. Go to a gym mid-January and you will see what I mean… half as many people are there as there were on January 1st or 2nd.

New Year’s Goals are for the whole year …. a focus of change and intention that you can practice and prefect as the year progresses.

Everyone’s goals are different, obviously, but a lot of the time involve some sort of self-improvement. For me, my goals this year include daily meditation, intention setting on a regular basis (according to moon phases if you follow me on Instagram and believe in that sort of thing) and working on my overall health; mentally and physically. Of course my mediation and intention setting go hand in hand with my health, and how I plan to go about changing it.

I have no plan on changing everything overnight … again, that’s a setup for failure…. instead, I started slowly towards the end of last year. I began meditating as an almost-daily practice. Every evening while I fall asleep, I put on my headphones (my husband just got me these super awesome ones for Christmas), and listen to a sleep meditation or chakra balance meditation to fall asleep to. There are some amazing ones on YouTube as well as ones available through Audible. I found myself more rested, and able to clear my mind and fall into a deeper sleep faster. I also added this melatonin supplement as a natural aid to help me fall asleep, as I’m not a huge fan of prescription sleep medication for me. Being able to get a good night’s sleep makes getting up at 5:30AM a lot easier, especially on these cold, winter, New York mornings. Not to mention, enough energy to get me through the day productively.

Through the holidays, I enjoyed my fair share of sweets and treats, indulged here and there, but did not beat myself up over it. We are allowed to enjoy food, and almost any food, in moderation. So to start off the year, I’m going back into my routine, knowing that I will inevitably have to detox from sugar, and that it will honestly suck a bit …. but I’m not leaving the holiday season feeling denied. I’ll slowly transition back to my stricter eating habits, and once the New Year’s rush is passed as the gym…. mid-January… I plan on adding dates back on my calendar for strictly gym-time. These are times and days I put on my calendar, set up reminders, and make a promise to myself to go to the gym… no matter how many excuses I can think up. Sometimes it’s for a particular class, or just plain cardio time. Preplanned and on the calendar give me a little more accountability when I don’t have a gym partner there.

Another thing is that I always start the new year with a crispy and clean new calendar. And fresh, rewritten to-do lists. Organization. Ahhhh… one thing that sparks some major joy for me. Ever since finding about her brand years ago, Erin Condren has been a personal favorite when it comes to planners. I love that I can customize my planner to how I like it, pick my own style and colors, and find what is most visually appealing to me at this season in life. This year I chose an awesome astronomical design that incorporated my sun sign, Pisces, as well as a matching throw blanket … all with my name on them. I mean… who doesn’t want a matching planner and soft, plushy throw?? Just me?? Ok then!! (Trust me… you won’t regret the throw… I’m in love and have to steal it back from my hubs and kiddo all the time lol).

Of course I have some smaller goals on my list too…. be more timely with folding and putting away laundry. Getting rid of clothes and other household items that no longer fit or spark joy for me (thanks Marie Kondo! If you don’t know who or what I’m talking about, check out her books here or her series on Netflix … life changing!). Declutter. Maintain organization. Find happiness and balance in a clean home.

Overall, whether you choose to set “New Year’s Resolutions” or go with my more casual approach of “New Year’s Goals” … I think the most important part is to just keep growing. Keep learning. Keep pushing forward. Find what makes you happy, what you need to improve, what your family needs and go with it! Write it out so you have some accountability to yourself, maybe in your Erin Condren planner, or someplace else that you will see it often… a mirror you look at daily like your bathroom mirror is a great place for this, too! Do check-in’s with yourself often. It’s all about growth – not perfection. Change can happen at any time, not just January 1^st. There are 365 chances for fresh starts every year… Do something daily to improve your life… you will thank yourself later!

A Moment in the Life of a Marine Veteran’s Wife

Tonight, I’m sitting in my living room, listening to my step son interview my husband over the dining room table for a Boy Scout Merit Badge he is working on. He is asking him questions about his time in the US Marine Corps, his deployments, his medals, and most importantly, his friend Johnny. I had almost forgotten about the battles and the war. The trauma he survived. The Bronze Star and Purple Heart that he doesn’t ever talk about. It’s so easy to get caught up in the day to day humdrum of life and forget the trauma they have been through and all the extreme experiences they have survived. PTSD and survivor’s guilt are real, and not frequently talked about.

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When you have been through war, nonetheless as part of a reconnaissance unit in the USMC, it changes you. That is undeniable. How it changes each person is different, but a change down to the core is consistent. Many men and women come home and either don’t know how to cope with the transition, or don’t want to talk about it. It can take many years of therapy and work before these life altering experiences can be discussed without causing further trauma. I remember back early on in our relationship, my husband saying that he never could open up and talk about his time overseas until he had met me. I partially think that having my own battles with mental health had made him feel more comfortable talking about his experiences with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) and having a TBI (traumatic brain injury). Life takes on different necessities with both of these conditions, as it does with someone who suffers from anxiety or depression, like I do. It’s a challenge daily, but not unbearable all of the time… especially when you are fighting a battle with a partner who somewhat understands, to the best of their abilities.

My husband often says how he isn’t deserving of the medals he received because he just did what he was supposed to do or what any true Marine would do. But he does deserve them. He put his own life on the line to save his “brothers”, all while being injured himself. He is a strong and resilient man, and in all honesty, I’m embarrassed to say that it sometimes slips my mind when dealing with everyday life. Tonight, I was reminded of so many of these life experiences while listening to my two guys talk.

My step son is named after my husband’s best friend from the Marine Corps, who unfortunately never made it home (pictured above). During my husband’s first Iraq deployment, Johnny was fatally injured in an attack just before my husband was injured and earned his Purple Heart. Long story short, after that deployment, my husband had met his now ex-wife, got married, and my step son was conceived. Then came his 3rd deployment, his 2nd to Iraq. That’s where he received his Bronze Star during an IED attack that initiated an ambush on his unit. These events still haunt him to this day. The flashbacks and vivid memories … the night terrors. It can only take a minute for my husband to feel like he is right back in those situations, at any time, and often without warning. Wondering why it wasn’t him, or why he was chosen to make it out alive.

When he returned home, she was 7 months pregnant with this amazing little boy on the way. Although I never had the privilege of meeting Johnny, I know he would be proud of the little man that my step son is becoming. Listening to him ask his dad such intriguing, yet delicate questions with so much interest, curiosity and respect, it’s hard not to be proud. They have now moved from the dining room table to the kitchen, and George is telling our son stories about Johnny. They are laughing and joking about going to the motocross track in between deployments, and Johnny hitting a jump the wrong way and splitting his chin open right before the Marine Corps Ball. He had to get stiches and got a “no shave chit” for having a goatee covering his stitches, since he was unable to shave. He was the captain of his high school’s football team and the student body president… “your all-American kid?” my son asks his dad. “Yup” George says, “pretty much!”. He is telling stories about taking trips to Wilmington in Johnny’s Mustang, that he loved and was so proud of. His parents still have that car, parked in their barn in Wisconsin. All the antics they got into, and camaraderie they shared. A very special friendship, and a very special namesake for my step son. He’s always proud to tell anyone the story of how he got his name. He certainly has some big shoes to fill, and I’m undoubtedly sure he will.

It’s easy to slip into the pattern of day to day life, especially when things get hectic between custody battles, court, surgeries, school, work and just life in general. It’s easy to forget about the past when we are so wrapped up in the present or worrying about the future. It’s easy to get mad over little things or stressed out for seemlying unnecessary reasons, in retrospect. Sitting and listening to this conversation tonight renewed that proudness and respect I have for my husband, and all that he’s been through. The past few years have been tough for us as a couple, to say the least, but I truly had forgotten about what he had been through before this. Before becoming a dad, and before our meeting and getting married. The truth is, all of those experiences in the Marines shaped him to be the man he is today. Someone I am so truly proud of. Often, we go back and forth, being the rock for each other when the other one needs it. Now that life has settled down a little, we can finally look back, and not be under so much pressure. We can enjoy the life we are currently living, be grateful for all the blessings that God had given us, and gently remember that tomorrow is never promised.

xoxo – Cheryl

My ONE THING I do Every Week to Keep My Sanity as a Busy Mom, Wife & Boss-lady!

The one, and probably most important, word of advice I can give any other busy mom, wife or boss-lady, is to make time for yourself!

It took me forever to learn this valuable lesson. After almost 5 years with my wounded warrior husband, over a year after becoming a full-time step mom, and about 8 months into my bariatric journey 2.0 with the RNY gastric bypass, I can finally say that this is something I make sure I do for myself every week and it has helped my mental well-being tremendously.

Now, I will say, “me-time” can come in funny ways… for me, its grocery shopping. Crazy, right?? Well, let me back track here a little bit. I recently discovered Wegman’s… now, if you aren’t familiar, it’s like the Taj Mahal of grocery stores, in my opinion at least. BUT, the closest one is about 45 minutes from my home. I use Walmart Grocery Pick Up for my bulk items and most of the food for my hubby and kiddo. But once a week, I take a trip down to Wegmans. This is where I get most of my food for my bariatric journey. So, in addition to my time alone, it’s also like a treat, getting to shop for foods JUST for me.

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The one rule I do have though is I always go alone. Selfish, right??? Nope! Not at all. I go on an evening when my husband is home with our son, or when he’s visiting his bio-mom. This time is reserved just for me! No husband, no kids, no dogs, no “work” … just me! I listen to my favorite podcasts on my way there and on the way home. I take my time cruising the aisles of the store without interruption or people nagging me for other stuff. I pick out the high-quality, protein dense foods my body needs and deserves along this journey of transformation.

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I often go after a long day at work, but I find it so refreshing. I feel like I’m getting that solo time to unwind, regroup and get ready for the week ahead. I get all of my food to last me the week, and its food I look forward to eating, because I know it’s healthy.

The other part of this is my podcasts or audible books (PS – if you click that link, you can get a free, 30 day trial to Audible from Amazon!). I really think I was living under a rock before I found them. I look forward to the new podcasts each week that I subscribe to, or the next chapter in a book I’m listening to. It falls in line with my 2019 goal of always working to learn something new and working on better myself. So, between the healthy grocery shipping, and the podcasts/books, it’s a win-win.

We can’t be the best wife, mother or worker that we can be, or to our best potential, without taking that much needed time for ourselves. This is just one of the things I do for myself every week. Sometimes it’s taking a nice, Sunday evening bubble bath (I LOVE my Lush bath bombs!), or a little time in my hot tub on an evening during a busy week. Maybe it’s going to a paint & sip, grabbing a coffee with your girlfriends, or taking that yoga class you keep putting off.

Make some time for you this week!

xoxo Cheryl

How I manage to balance being a Mom, Wife & Boss with multitasking!

Ahhh…. It’s Friday night, 6:15PM and I’m still sitting at my desk at work. This week has been extremely long and draining. Luckily, my step kiddo is with his biological mother tonight so I can put in a few extra hours at the office. Much needed time to get caught up and squared away for the busy weekend. Plus, I tend to work more productively when I’m alone in my office… this would only be better had I brought wine!

With a little bit of downtime, I’ve been thinking a lot about how I manage to find balance when things get chaotic. I have always struggled with finding a work-life/home-life/personal-growth balance. Working hard and being on a constant business hustle… I got that down pat! Being the wife of a wounded warrior, one thing I have learned to adjust to is sudden obstacles and last-minute change of plans (you can check out an early post I wrote about this here). But becoming a full-time stepmom almost a year and a half ago, THAT through a lot into upheaval. Talk about learning a new schedule, new lifestyle, and trying to fit 8 million new-to-me tasks into a small, 24-hour period, and still get a few hours of sleep at night… while still trying to work a full-time job and keep my home in one piece.

Now that I’ve got the mom situation under control a little more, I’ve been working on finding a balance in the three most important areas in my life so that all three are fulfilled and given the attention that they deserve. Here’s what a typical day looks like for me, and how I’ve managed to multitask and streamline some things to find a better balance and more productive environment for everyone in our household.

5:30AM – the alarm clock goes off…. It’s time to get kiddo up and ready for school. I hit snooze a few too many times, and by 5:45 I’m up and on the move. While kiddo is getting ready, I head out to the kitchen, let the dogs out, feed them, make kiddo his over-easy egg & get his vitamins and meds ready for him to take.

6:30AM – kiddo is off to school and this is when I will take a little time to load the dishwasher, start a load of laundry or tidy up a little bit before I have to get myself ready for work. Somedays, I can’t deny it…. I will definitely crawl back under my nice warm covers and set the alarm for 30 minutes. Anyone else get the most amazing sleep when you know you’re supposed to be awake, but you just can’t help it? No? Just me? LOL

7:00AM – time to get myself ready for work… jump in the shower, get dressed, you know, the normal morning routine. I make sure I take my meds and my vitamins, pack my lunch and snacks for the day, and off to work I go.

Now while I’m at work, my laundry is going, my Roomba is vacuuming, and any dishes from this morning are in the dish drain drying. Seriously thou, I LOVE my Roomba… it’s so nice to come home to clean floors daily!! Its automatically set to go every day at 10AM and I can always just ask Alexa to start the vacuum. I definitely love technology that makes my life simpler!

8:00AM – the work day starts… I wear a few different crowns in my career, but most days I’m at my desk, processing paperwork and taking customer calls.

Early afternoon – I leave work to go pick up the kiddo from the bus stop. Some days, I will run and pick up my grocery order on my way home (I use Walmart Grocery for the EASIEST pick up! I simply add things via the app or my computer, place the order, and pick it up! They even load it into my car and I’m off! Click the link above for a promo code to get $10 off your first order!). Any time I’m in the car alone, I’m all about the podcasts or books on Audible (get a great deal for new subscribers by clicking that link!!)… You can find some of my favorite books I’ve listened to recently here. I recently discovered them, and it has made my time in the car feel so much more productive. I love listening to my fav girl, Rachel Hollis, or other learning, self-help, or inspirational podcasts or books (you can find some of them here!).

I get home, will put groceries away if it’s a grocery day, let the dogs out for a quick walk, swap over laundry, pack my kiddo’s “work bag” with his favorite snacks, iPod and a book. I’ll scroll Facebook or Instagram(check me out via those links for the most up-to-date info on whats going on in my life! Id really appreciate it!)while I’m waiting at his bus stop, and back to work we go! He’ll do his homework then relax for a bit while I finish up my work day.

5:00PMish – time to head back home! Kiddo will feed the dogs and empty the Roomba while I get dinner started. I try to utilize my Crock Pot or Instant Pot as much as possible to help cut down on the dinner cook time and make then nights chores a little less hectic. I’ll do whatever other chores that need to be taken care of while dinner cooks. I’ll often make myself a shake, because once everything is taken care of on the home front, its time for me to hit the gym. I’ll usually try to head to the gym to get some cardio in around 6:30-7 and be home around 8ish to tuck kiddo in to do it all again tomorrow!

8:30PM or so – I’ll take care of any last-minute chores, spend a little time writing, prepare any shipments for eBay or my small Etsy shop, maybe even catch up on some of my guilty pleasure TV show, then its bedtime for this tired mama!!

Now, we do have a lot of variations that go on in our schedule, like nights we have therapist appointments, Boy Scouts, or firehouse meetings. Each day is a little different, plus you never know what will get thrown your way! I also work in a crazy-hectic environment, so some days I’m stuck at work till 7 or 8 at night, or I have to be up for work at 5AM… we just adjust our schedule and routine as needed.

Lately, life has taught me a lot about learning how to roll with the punches. Things don’t always go as planned, and some nights you are just too tired to get it all done. And that’s OK!! Just make sure those things that are put off today are a priority tomorrow. Most of the time, if something wasn’t done the day before, I will try to get it done the following morning when I have a little time to myself. Moral of the story… find balance. Whether it be getting up early to make your morning go easier or listening to podcasts to help yourself grow while you are in the car, do it. You’ll be happy you did.

Bonus Tip! – My Apple Calendar has been a LIFESAVER! I linked it to my email, so my phone, laptop, desktop and even my husband’s cell phone ALL have the SAME calendar. This way everyone knows what’s going on and what’s scheduled for that day, including our son’s custody schedule. I even put my workouts and date nights on the calendar to help with accountability!

I’m back! Where have I been?

First and foremost, I’d like to welcome you to the new home of the Veteran’s Wife, Bariatric Life blog! After some research and some solid advice from my idol, Rachel Hollis, I’ve decided to break away from Blogspot, aka Blogger, and branch out on my own!

Why I’ve been MIA for the past *almost* two years…

Where do I begin…. I left off telling you about my departure from the LLR cult nightmare and my pursuit of the gastric sleeve. I’m happy to say the door is completely closed with LLR and I had bariatric surgery on June 11^th, 2018!! Slight change in plans thou…. I had GASTRIC BYPASS!! This is the surgery I’ve wanted since they removed my band, but my old surgeon was against. After talking to my gastroenterologist, who happens to be one of my FAVORITE doctors ever, he referred me to an amazing and world-renowned bariatric surgeon in New York City! After meeting with my new surgeon and his kickass team, he agreed with my past history and severe reflux, that RNY (Roux-en-YGastric Bypass) was the best fit for me overall.

Surgery went well, despite only “bypassing” 100 cm of my intestines, instead of the standard 150 cm due to excessive scar tissue. I got to spend a few days in one of the top rated hospitals in the WORLD with an amazing view of the George Washington Bridge from my hospital room (check out my Instagram @veteranswifebariatriclife to see pics from when I was in the hospital!). My recovery was easy, and the transition from liquids, to soft foods, to normal foods was just as easy as the first go-around with my LapBand. I am so in love with my new “tiny tummy”!

Long story short….. things happen for a reason and always go with your gut! Had I not been sidetracked, hell, completely derailed (I’ll get back to the in a little bit), I would have went along with the Gastric Sleeve, despite my gut instinct that it wasn’t for me. I also suspect this had a lot to do with why I was dragging my feet during the process. I wasn’t excited. I tried to be… but deep down, I knew it wasn’t for me. I’m grateful that things turned out the way they did, and the “bigger plan” finally fell into place. I truly feel this surgery was the right fit for me, as I sit here, typing this post, 7 months post op, sipping on a protein shake.

Now the biggest reason I’ve been missing…. I’m a quasi-fulltime step mom now! I honestly do not know where to begin in telling this story. It’s long, and heartbreaking at times. I’ll just take a deep breath and dive right in.

In 2017, by husband (and I…. I put this in parentheses because its technically only my husband… step moms don’t really have any rights “legally” on paper) petitioned for official joint custody of my step son who was 9 at the time. We had a great relationship with his bio-mom and she was completely on board. We had him every weekend, from Friday to Sunday, as it was anyhow, and life was perfect. This worked well for all of us. I would take him to his baseball games during the week if his bio-mom had work, or if his step dad was busy with his son’s baseball team. Now it was time to put it on paper. We didn’t even have to appear before the judge and everything was agreed upon mutually.

Then it was like an atomic bomb was dropped… it was Friday, November 3^rd. I had picked my step son up early from school that day, as I had to get him to my parents’ house for the night so my husband and I could attend a good friend of ours wedding. On our way down from school, the flood gates opened and my kiddo had unleashed a fury of heartbreaking information. Stories of both physical & mental abuse, alcoholism, and neglect that broke my heart and completely blindsided my husband and myself. I had to pull over the car, and I held this poor, sweet, innocent 10 year old as he cried his eyes out and shook in fear that “CPS would come and take him and his siblings away” because he “told someone” what was happening. The only thing I could do was assure him that everything was going to be ok, that daddy and I would protect him, and that we were proud of him for telling me what was going on. The breaking point; lobster. A South African Lobster Tail he had so excitedly told his mother and step father about after going to dinner with my parents one week prior. They had went out to dinner to celebrate their one year anniversary of being “grandparents” so my husband and I could enjoy our first wedding anniversary together. Apparently, kids are not supposed to order lobster, and he was “reprimanded” for doing so. My parents didn’t care… they were the ones footing the bill… they told him he could anything he wanted, and this wasn’t his first time ordering his favorite lobster. He was excited to tell his older step brother and even wanted to take him there for his birthday, so he could have the famous giant lobster tail, too.

This was just the tip of a huge iceberg we were about to crash into. First thing Monday morning, we were in court, filing an order of protection and establishing emergency custody. I’ll spare you the details of a very long and painfully drawn out story, but after a full year plus, countless court dates and thousands upon thousands of dollars in legal fees, we now have primary physical custody and joint legal custody. The things that we went through as a family, I would never wish that on anyone. I spent 8 months driving him to and from his old school, an hour each way… that’s 4 hours in the car A DAY for me… 5 days a week… for EIGHT months. To say this took a toll on me mentally and physically would be an understatement. I was now in charge of someone else; making sure he was fed, bathed, nourished, healthy, happy… it was a learning curve. Anything and everything that had to do with me had to take a back seat (as well as my pursuit of bariatric surgery, round 2). I cried many days once I had dropped him off, knowing that I would have to squeeze an 8 hour workday into 4 hours that I was there, and seeing what seemed like no end in sight. But there would be an end… or at least a break from the craziness. I’m blessed to have an amazing child in my life, who is now 11, and thriving. Doing A-MAZE-ING in his new school district. Who is unbelievably well-behaved and well mannered. Who often reminds me that I’m doing a great job as his step mom, even when I question myself.

All in all, I am blessed. I am lucky. The custody situation is closed, for now. Surgery is DONE. I am on my way to a happier, healthier me. I’ve been working on finding the balance between family-care and self-care. Working on making myself a priority while still making sure my family is well taken care of. It’s no longer a weekend mom gig … it’s a 7-day-a-week mom gig. I have to put this tiny human first, while also putting my health and wellbeing first as well.

Here’s to 2019…. A year of self-improvement, thanks to my recent discovery of Podcasts and Audible …. Why didn’t I know about you when I was in the car for 4 hours a day!?! LOL

xoxo Cheryl

(JULY 5, 2017) A little bit about STRESS!

Let’s talk about stress… It’s something we all encounter every day in our lives and unfortunately, in this day and age, it’s something that gets to take up too much space in our heads. Hence the absence of any recent blog posts. Things seem to have been upside down for me a lot lately….

Where do I begin…..

As some of you know, starting last summer, I was an “independent fashion retailer” for LuLaRoe. I loved the people that I met along the way and loved the clothes. Who doesn’t love leggings, right?!?! But the truth is, it took up way too much time and effort, with not enough return, financially, in the long run. I realized that housework was slacking and time with my family was starting to take a backseat. I was glued to my phone, spent countless hours in my “Lula room” photographing, hanging, organizing, uploading, selling and shipping clothing. I became angry at the world and extremely low on patience. I was stressed constantly. And unfortunately my family and home really suffered. It was a really hard decision for me to say goodbye to this little “business” that I had spent so much time and energy on. But slowly I started to sell off all my boutique supplies, discounted my clothes to get them to sell, and shipped the rest back to LuLa-Land, in hopes of getting a refund that at least makes me break even on my investment.

With one less thing on my plate, I was hoping that the stress would subside. But it’s not uncommon that once one stress is gone, another stress finds its way into that space. There’s life. There’s trying to lose the mandated amount of weight for my bariatric doctor to be able to submit to my insurance company for surgical approval (while feeling like the odds are against me because of my PCOS and slow metabolism thanks to my lap band debacle). There’s custody changes going on with my amazing stepson that will, in the long run, will be sooooooo worth it. There’s June being an extremely difficult month for my husband, due to a traumatic anniversary from when he was overseas (putting his PTSD on high alert). There’s long hours at work and very little free time. There’s the constant worry about my husband and trying to maintain status quo for his sake. Then there is just trying to be a good old fashion housewife… making sure that there are groceries in the fridge, dinner to eat, bills paid, clean clothes and most importantly, a happy family.

That shit gets hard sometimes, I’m not gonna lie. Now that I’ve decided to take one giant piece of stress off my plate, it’s time for me to find a balance. Time to make sure I focus on me a little bit. I keep saying “next week will be the week that I start going to the gym”… “Next week will be the week I do meal prep”… ‘Next week I will make sure all the laundry is folded and put away for Monday morning”… unfortunately, none of those things have happened yet. But I still haven’t given up. I’ve been trying new meds with my doctor, and make sure I started today with a protein shake and a 64 ounce bottle of diet ice tea to set a goal for myself. I’ve actually gotten pretty far, and I’m sipping on it still, at 6:30 PM, while my husband is in his PTSD group for combat veterans and I’m waiting in the truck. Thank goodness I’m a good multitasker lol. I was glad I took the time tonight to go with him to his doctors appointment before group. This is something that I had put off while I was so busy focused on my little business. I forgot how important it was for me to go and support him. It’s frustrating to think that this business I got into to help support my family with a little extra income, actually turned out to do the exact opposite. I forgot about doing the things that I love, and the things that make me happy. There is such a huge weight off my shoulders now and a lot less pressure, thankfully. I want to enjoy my family, and spend genuine time with them… not uploading pictures and answering customer questions while my stepson is building a Lego. Now I can take the time and actually be present. Help him with his Lego because he enjoys his time with me just as much as I enjoy my time with him. I want to get back into knitting. And crafting. All the things that I used to do “for me”. I recently started making custom vinyl mugs and tumblers, something I can do in my free time and that I actually enjoy doing. It doesn’t stress me out at all, and it’s FUN!!! (Check out my Facebook, Trucker’s Wife Customs to see what I’m up to!!!).

It didn’t even hit me until this morning that I hadn’t written a blog post in a while. I got an inbox message from a fellow combat veterans wife and it made me realize why I started this blog in the first place. If I could help just one person with some of the things that I have learned along the way, or to help them realize that they are not alone in this ship, it’s worth it. And right now, the big thing I need to work on is learning how to balance stress. Learning what is important, what is not, and to let go of what I can. I recently made a decal for the front of my “to do planner” of the serenity prayer. I’m not the most religious person in the world, by far, but the serenity prayer and Matthew 6:34 are two things that I need to remind myself of often. And I will leave you with those, in hopes that they will help you as much as they help me, on a daily basis.

xoxo Cheryl

Matthew 6:34 NIV “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Serenity Prayer God grant me the serenityto accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference.

(APRIL 11, 2017) 10 Things I’ve Learned About Dating (and Marrying!) a Veteran with PTSD

1 – Planning things in advance is a lost cause With PTSD, there are triggers all around. You never know where they are or when they will hit. But it’ll happen from time to time. Plans change. Date night gets rescheduled. Vacations end up being cooped up in your hotel room. Its not all bad, but it takes some getting used to. I was never a go-with-the-flow type of person. I was always a planner and always moving. But I’ve learned to let a lot of that go and just learn to adapt to the situation at hand.

2 – Expect the ups and downs, but don’t always wait for the downs There will be huge ups and downs… sometimes month to month…. Sometimes hour to hour. It can take a lot to learn how to live with the rollercoaster of emotions, but its manageable. And there are always positive days to look forward to.

3 – They have huge hearts They care more then you could even imagine. Those changes in plans and rescheduled date nights bother them probably more then they bother you. They just want to be the best person possible, but sometimes PTSD doesn’t always let that go according to plan.

4 – Keeping a schedule is a must Keeping a routine and schedule is one of the most important thing I’ve found to help both me and my Vet. It keeps me from constantly nagging him, and he remembers to do things without me asking (this is also a huge milestone for those who have suffered a TBI as well…. Remembering to do things can be really hard for them!). For example, on Wednesday nights, he goes to his PTSD Combat Vet group at our local VA and I catch up on chores at home and do his meds for the week. This way they are ready to go when he leaves for work in the morning.

5 – Learn to let go Its hard not to take everything personally. Trust me, I know. Im the queen of taking everything to heart. But sometimes their frustration is misplaced and it comes out in anger or passive-aggressive behavior. This in no way is an excuse to allow yourself to be treated poorly, just remember that sometimes its not your fault and that “this too shall pass”.

6 – Its not always your fault… or theirs PTSD does crazy things to ones mind. Anger, depression, irritability, anxiety and aggressiveness all go hand-in-hand with PTSD. Its like a defense mechanism. But remember, above all, that it is not your fault. Sometimes we trigger them inadvertently, but the way they react isn’t always necessary. I am always telling my husband that I understand you are angry about such-and-such, but that it isn’t cause for the reaction that he has. We learn to adapt, and we learn to let go. But never make excuses for bad behavior.

7 – There will be good days, and there will be bad Life will be full of ups and downs. There will be days that are great and surreal, and other days where getting out of bed is a struggle. Sometimes we cant see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I assure you, its there. Remind yourself to keep your chin up, and take care of yourself, and your significant other. You need to support each other in the good times and the bad.

8 – Don’t expect your family or friends to understand This was one of the hardest things I had to learn. I knew nothing about PTSD before I met my husband. I had a lot to learn. So it was hard for my friends to understand why things had to change, or why plans had to be cancelled last minute. You learn to be careful with what you say about your boyfriend, or saying how he might react to situations. But once you explain certain things, they get it. They are totally ok with letting him sit with his back to the wall at a restaurant, or leaving early when the band starts to play because the loud music and dark setting is overwhelming. But they will learn, just like you have.

9 – Finding other spouses like you will be a lifesaver It took me forever to finally find someone who understood what my life consisted of on a day-to-day basis. But recently I met another wife of a combat veteran with PTSD at a VA workshop, and her friendship has been like a breath of fresh air, a reminder that I’m not alone, and mostly that I’m not crazy.

10 -The VA can be the biggest pain, but also a huge help if you look for it I remember one day making a list of how many phone calls and redirects it took me to finally get an Emergency Room visit covered by my husbands VA benefits. It was frustrating and I wanted to pull my hair out. Or waiting 4 months to get an appointment with a psychiatrist that could be scheduled around my husbands work hours. But ya know what, I made it happen. Persistency was key. They VA often gets a bad rap, but once you know who to talk to and where to look, the help they offer is invaluable. They offer programs for caregivers, which has been a huge help for me. And they offer peer-to-peer support. Once you connect with other caregivers and veterans, many of them have been down your road before, and they are more then willing to help and point you in the right direction. Never give up. You can always find what you need. Sometimes it takes longer then you’d like, but it’ll be there.

(APRIL 2, 2017) Bariatric Surgery, Round 2! And a little bit about me….

So it hit me one day while scrolling through Pinterest (while avoiding real work that I was procrastinating doing) that I should start a blog…. Because I obviously have tons of free time on my hands. Cue the sarcasm. Actually, free time is one of the things I lack, as I sit here with hair dye lathered into my hair, waiting for Alexa to tell me that my 20 minutes is up.

I work full time for my family’s trucking company, which Ive done for over 10 years and where my newlywed husband also works. I run my own business on the side of selling LuLaRoe which I absolutely love doing. Im also the primary caregiver to my husband who is a US Marine Corps Veteran, diagnosed with both PTSD and a TBI. Im a dog mom to two of the best rescue dogs ever, and a step mom to the coolest 9 year old in the world. My husband and I also are in the process of starting our own company and branching off from my family’s company. And with this, and all the responsibilities that come with being a wife, Im getting ready to take my second shot at bariatric surgery. Let me give you some background….

In 2007, I underwent Gastric Banding Surgery… AKA the LapBand. I had great success and lost 130 pounds in the first year. I found myself stable at 180 pounds and had felt the most comfortable and confident I had ever felt in my life. I was always overweight, and can remember going to nutritionists and being on diets when I was only a child. This new size 8 body was something I had never experienced and I promised myself I would NEVER gain the weight back! In 2009, I had a tummy tuck done by my amazing plastic surgeon, and was even able to get it covered by my health insurance. SCORE! Well, shortly after that surgery and a really rough recovery (because I had gotten the flu the week before my surgery and I refused to reschedule it…. Yes, Im stubborn!) my LapBand started to go wonky. I could no longer get water down, causing dehydration and many trips to get IV fluids. After removing all of the fluid in my band, I started getting wicked acid reflux which I still suffer from today. Long story short (which I’ll get to at another time)…. My weight started to creep back up despite severe nutrient deficiencies and sticking to my strict diet. My LapBand was removed in March of 2015, at which point I was already back up to 250 pounds. My band was now causing way more damage then good, and they needed to remove my band to further diagnose the deficiencies they still couldn’t find an answer for. It was time to let my body heal.
Since surgery, I have also been diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) which could explain some of the weight gain, the sleep apnea, and the crazy emotional mess I am sometimes. Once I hit my original starting weight before I had the LapBand, I decided it was time to try again.

I had my heart set on the good old standard, Gastric Bypass, but my doctor had another idea…. The Gastric Sleeve…. AKA the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. At first, I wasn’t keen on the idea, and the surgery seemed waaaaay too new for me (I had the LapBand when it was relatively new and all the cool kids where doing it). But after doing some research, I found out its been around a lot longer then I had originally thought, and I decided to jump on board. So away I went to get all my pre-op clearances and tests. Now Im in the middle of the insurance-required 3 month dieting and weight loss phase.

So that’s just a glimpse into my life….. lots more to come about many different topics. My struggles with weight, having bariatric surgery round 2, being a veterans wife, PTSD, PCOS, depression, anxiety, entrepreneurship and everything in between!
Thanks for reading!

Xoxo – Cheryl