Tonight, I’m sitting in my living room, listening to my step son interview my husband over the dining room table for a Boy Scout Merit Badge he is working on. He is asking him questions about his time in the US Marine Corps, his deployments, his medals, and most importantly, his friend Johnny. I had almost forgotten about the battles and the war. The trauma he survived. The Bronze Star and Purple Heart that he doesn’t ever talk about. It’s so easy to get caught up in the day to day humdrum of life and forget the trauma they have been through and all the extreme experiences they have survived. PTSD and survivor’s guilt are real, and not frequently talked about.
When you have been through war, nonetheless as part of a reconnaissance unit in the USMC, it changes you. That is undeniable. How it changes each person is different, but a change down to the core is consistent. Many men and women come home and either don’t know how to cope with the transition, or don’t want to talk about it. It can take many years of therapy and work before these life altering experiences can be discussed without causing further trauma. I remember back early on in our relationship, my husband saying that he never could open up and talk about his time overseas until he had met me. I partially think that having my own battles with mental health had made him feel more comfortable talking about his experiences with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) and having a TBI (traumatic brain injury). Life takes on different necessities with both of these conditions, as it does with someone who suffers from anxiety or depression, like I do. It’s a challenge daily, but not unbearable all of the time… especially when you are fighting a battle with a partner who somewhat understands, to the best of their abilities.
My husband often says how he isn’t deserving of the medals he received because he just did what he was supposed to do or what any true Marine would do. But he does deserve them. He put his own life on the line to save his “brothers”, all while being injured himself. He is a strong and resilient man, and in all honesty, I’m embarrassed to say that it sometimes slips my mind when dealing with everyday life. Tonight, I was reminded of so many of these life experiences while listening to my two guys talk.
My step son is named after my husband’s best friend from the Marine Corps, who unfortunately never made it home (pictured above). During my husband’s first Iraq deployment, Johnny was fatally injured in an attack just before my husband was injured and earned his Purple Heart. Long story short, after that deployment, my husband had met his now ex-wife, got married, and my step son was conceived. Then came his 3rd deployment, his 2nd to Iraq. That’s where he received his Bronze Star during an IED attack that initiated an ambush on his unit. These events still haunt him to this day. The flashbacks and vivid memories … the night terrors. It can only take a minute for my husband to feel like he is right back in those situations, at any time, and often without warning. Wondering why it wasn’t him, or why he was chosen to make it out alive.
When he returned home, she was 7 months pregnant with this amazing little boy on the way. Although I never had the privilege of meeting Johnny, I know he would be proud of the little man that my step son is becoming. Listening to him ask his dad such intriguing, yet delicate questions with so much interest, curiosity and respect, it’s hard not to be proud. They have now moved from the dining room table to the kitchen, and George is telling our son stories about Johnny. They are laughing and joking about going to the motocross track in between deployments, and Johnny hitting a jump the wrong way and splitting his chin open right before the Marine Corps Ball. He had to get stiches and got a “no shave chit” for having a goatee covering his stitches, since he was unable to shave. He was the captain of his high school’s football team and the student body president… “your all-American kid?” my son asks his dad. “Yup” George says, “pretty much!”. He is telling stories about taking trips to Wilmington in Johnny’s Mustang, that he loved and was so proud of. His parents still have that car, parked in their barn in Wisconsin. All the antics they got into, and camaraderie they shared. A very special friendship, and a very special namesake for my step son. He’s always proud to tell anyone the story of how he got his name. He certainly has some big shoes to fill, and I’m undoubtedly sure he will.
It’s easy to slip into the pattern of day to day life, especially when things get hectic between custody battles, court, surgeries, school, work and just life in general. It’s easy to forget about the past when we are so wrapped up in the present or worrying about the future. It’s easy to get mad over little things or stressed out for seemlying unnecessary reasons, in retrospect. Sitting and listening to this conversation tonight renewed that proudness and respect I have for my husband, and all that he’s been through. The past few years have been tough for us as a couple, to say the least, but I truly had forgotten about what he had been through before this. Before becoming a dad, and before our meeting and getting married. The truth is, all of those experiences in the Marines shaped him to be the man he is today. Someone I am so truly proud of. Often, we go back and forth, being the rock for each other when the other one needs it. Now that life has settled down a little, we can finally look back, and not be under so much pressure. We can enjoy the life we are currently living, be grateful for all the blessings that God had given us, and gently remember that tomorrow is never promised.
xoxo – Cheryl