First and foremost, I’d like to welcome you to the new home of the Veteran’s Wife, Bariatric Life blog! After some research and some solid advice from my idol, Rachel Hollis, I’ve decided to break away from Blogspot, aka Blogger, and branch out on my own!
Why I’ve been MIA for the past *almost* two years…
Where do I begin…. I left off telling you about my departure from the LLR cult nightmare and my pursuit of the gastric sleeve. I’m happy to say the door is completely closed with LLR and I had bariatric surgery on June 11th, 2018!! Slight change in plans thou…. I had GASTRIC BYPASS!! This is the surgery I’ve wanted since they removed my band, but my old surgeon was against. After talking to my gastroenterologist, who happens to be one of my FAVORITE doctors ever, he referred me to an amazing and world-renowned bariatric surgeon in New York City! After meeting with my new surgeon and his kickass team, he agreed with my past history and severe reflux, that RNY (Roux-en-YGastric Bypass) was the best fit for me overall.
Surgery went well, despite only “bypassing” 100 cm of my intestines, instead of the standard 150 cm due to excessive scar tissue. I got to spend a few days in one of the top rated hospitals in the WORLD with an amazing view of the George Washington Bridge from my hospital room (check out my Instagram @veteranswifebariatriclife to see pics from when I was in the hospital!). My recovery was easy, and the transition from liquids, to soft foods, to normal foods was just as easy as the first go-around with my LapBand. I am so in love with my new “tiny tummy”!
Long story short….. things happen for a reason and always go with your gut! Had I not been sidetracked, hell, completely derailed (I’ll get back to the in a little bit), I would have went along with the Gastric Sleeve, despite my gut instinct that it wasn’t for me. I also suspect this had a lot to do with why I was dragging my feet during the process. I wasn’t excited. I tried to be… but deep down, I knew it wasn’t for me. I’m grateful that things turned out the way they did, and the “bigger plan” finally fell into place. I truly feel this surgery was the right fit for me, as I sit here, typing this post, 7 months post op, sipping on a protein shake.
Now the biggest reason I’ve been missing…. I’m a quasi-fulltime step mom now! I honestly do not know where to begin in telling this story. It’s long, and heartbreaking at times. I’ll just take a deep breath and dive right in.
In 2017, by husband (and I…. I put this in parentheses because its technically only my husband… step moms don’t really have any rights “legally” on paper) petitioned for official joint custody of my step son who was 9 at the time. We had a great relationship with his bio-mom and she was completely on board. We had him every weekend, from Friday to Sunday, as it was anyhow, and life was perfect. This worked well for all of us. I would take him to his baseball games during the week if his bio-mom had work, or if his step dad was busy with his son’s baseball team. Now it was time to put it on paper. We didn’t even have to appear before the judge and everything was agreed upon mutually.
Then it was like an atomic bomb was dropped… it was Friday, November 3rd. I had picked my step son up early from school that day, as I had to get him to my parents’ house for the night so my husband and I could attend a good friend of ours wedding. On our way down from school, the flood gates opened and my kiddo had unleashed a fury of heartbreaking information. Stories of both physical & mental abuse, alcoholism, and neglect that broke my heart and completely blindsided my husband and myself. I had to pull over the car, and I held this poor, sweet, innocent 10 year old as he cried his eyes out and shook in fear that “CPS would come and take him and his siblings away” because he “told someone” what was happening. The only thing I could do was assure him that everything was going to be ok, that daddy and I would protect him, and that we were proud of him for telling me what was going on. The breaking point; lobster. A South African Lobster Tail he had so excitedly told his mother and step father about after going to dinner with my parents one week prior. They had went out to dinner to celebrate their one year anniversary of being “grandparents” so my husband and I could enjoy our first wedding anniversary together. Apparently, kids are not supposed to order lobster, and he was “reprimanded” for doing so. My parents didn’t care… they were the ones footing the bill… they told him he could anything he wanted, and this wasn’t his first time ordering his favorite lobster. He was excited to tell his older step brother and even wanted to take him there for his birthday, so he could have the famous giant lobster tail, too.
This was just the tip of a huge iceberg we were about to crash into. First thing Monday morning, we were in court, filing an order of protection and establishing emergency custody. I’ll spare you the details of a very long and painfully drawn out story, but after a full year plus, countless court dates and thousands upon thousands of dollars in legal fees, we now have primary physical custody and joint legal custody. The things that we went through as a family, I would never wish that on anyone. I spent 8 months driving him to and from his old school, an hour each way… that’s 4 hours in the car A DAY for me… 5 days a week… for EIGHT months. To say this took a toll on me mentally and physically would be an understatement. I was now in charge of someone else; making sure he was fed, bathed, nourished, healthy, happy… it was a learning curve. Anything and everything that had to do with me had to take a back seat (as well as my pursuit of bariatric surgery, round 2). I cried many days once I had dropped him off, knowing that I would have to squeeze an 8 hour workday into 4 hours that I was there, and seeing what seemed like no end in sight. But there would be an end… or at least a break from the craziness. I’m blessed to have an amazing child in my life, who is now 11, and thriving. Doing A-MAZE-ING in his new school district. Who is unbelievably well-behaved and well mannered. Who often reminds me that I’m doing a great job as his step mom, even when I question myself.
All in all, I am blessed. I am lucky. The custody situation is closed, for now. Surgery is DONE. I am on my way to a happier, healthier me. I’ve been working on finding the balance between family-care and self-care. Working on making myself a priority while still making sure my family is well taken care of. It’s no longer a weekend mom gig … it’s a 7-day-a-week mom gig. I have to put this tiny human first, while also putting my health and wellbeing first as well.
Here’s to 2019…. A year of self-improvement, thanks to my recent discovery of Podcasts and Audible …. Why didn’t I know about you when I was in the car for 4 hours a day!?! LOL
xoxo Cheryl