Cheryl

(JULY 5, 2017) A little bit about STRESS!

Let’s talk about stress… It’s something we all encounter every day in our lives and unfortunately, in this day and age, it’s something that gets to take up too much space in our heads. Hence the absence of any recent blog posts. Things seem to have been upside down for me a lot lately….

Where do I begin…..

As some of you know, starting last summer, I was an “independent fashion retailer” for LuLaRoe. I loved the people that I met along the way and loved the clothes. Who doesn’t love leggings, right?!?! But the truth is, it took up way too much time and effort, with not enough return, financially, in the long run. I realized that housework was slacking and time with my family was starting to take a backseat. I was glued to my phone, spent countless hours in my “Lula room” photographing, hanging, organizing, uploading, selling and shipping clothing. I became angry at the world and extremely low on patience. I was stressed constantly. And unfortunately my family and home really suffered. It was a really hard decision for me to say goodbye to this little “business” that I had spent so much time and energy on. But slowly I started to sell off all my boutique supplies, discounted my clothes to get them to sell, and shipped the rest back to LuLa-Land, in hopes of getting a refund that at least makes me break even on my investment.

With one less thing on my plate, I was hoping that the stress would subside. But it’s not uncommon that once one stress is gone, another stress finds its way into that space. There’s life. There’s trying to lose the mandated amount of weight for my bariatric doctor to be able to submit to my insurance company for surgical approval (while feeling like the odds are against me because of my PCOS and slow metabolism thanks to my lap band debacle). There’s custody changes going on with my amazing stepson that will, in the long run, will be sooooooo worth it. There’s June being an extremely difficult month for my husband, due to a traumatic anniversary from when he was overseas (putting his PTSD on high alert). There’s long hours at work and very little free time. There’s the constant worry about my husband and trying to maintain status quo for his sake. Then there is just trying to be a good old fashion housewife… making sure that there are groceries in the fridge, dinner to eat, bills paid, clean clothes and most importantly, a happy family.

That shit gets hard sometimes, I’m not gonna lie. Now that I’ve decided to take one giant piece of stress off my plate, it’s time for me to find a balance. Time to make sure I focus on me a little bit. I keep saying “next week will be the week that I start going to the gym”… “Next week will be the week I do meal prep”… ‘Next week I will make sure all the laundry is folded and put away for Monday morning”… unfortunately, none of those things have happened yet. But I still haven’t given up. I’ve been trying new meds with my doctor, and make sure I started today with a protein shake and a 64 ounce bottle of diet ice tea to set a goal for myself. I’ve actually gotten pretty far, and I’m sipping on it still, at 6:30 PM, while my husband is in his PTSD group for combat veterans and I’m waiting in the truck. Thank goodness I’m a good multitasker lol. I was glad I took the time tonight to go with him to his doctors appointment before group. This is something that I had put off while I was so busy focused on my little business. I forgot how important it was for me to go and support him. It’s frustrating to think that this business I got into to help support my family with a little extra income, actually turned out to do the exact opposite. I forgot about doing the things that I love, and the things that make me happy. There is such a huge weight off my shoulders now and a lot less pressure, thankfully. I want to enjoy my family, and spend genuine time with them… not uploading pictures and answering customer questions while my stepson is building a Lego. Now I can take the time and actually be present. Help him with his Lego because he enjoys his time with me just as much as I enjoy my time with him. I want to get back into knitting. And crafting. All the things that I used to do “for me”. I recently started making custom vinyl mugs and tumblers, something I can do in my free time and that I actually enjoy doing. It doesn’t stress me out at all, and it’s FUN!!! (Check out my Facebook, Trucker’s Wife Customs to see what I’m up to!!!).

It didn’t even hit me until this morning that I hadn’t written a blog post in a while. I got an inbox message from a fellow combat veterans wife and it made me realize why I started this blog in the first place. If I could help just one person with some of the things that I have learned along the way, or to help them realize that they are not alone in this ship, it’s worth it. And right now, the big thing I need to work on is learning how to balance stress. Learning what is important, what is not, and to let go of what I can. I recently made a decal for the front of my “to do planner” of the serenity prayer. I’m not the most religious person in the world, by far, but the serenity prayer and Matthew 6:34 are two things that I need to remind myself of often. And I will leave you with those, in hopes that they will help you as much as they help me, on a daily basis.

xoxo Cheryl

Matthew 6:34 NIV “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Serenity Prayer God grant me the serenityto accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference.

(APRIL 11, 2017) 10 Things I’ve Learned About Dating (and Marrying!) a Veteran with PTSD

1 – Planning things in advance is a lost cause With PTSD, there are triggers all around. You never know where they are or when they will hit. But it’ll happen from time to time. Plans change. Date night gets rescheduled. Vacations end up being cooped up in your hotel room. Its not all bad, but it takes some getting used to. I was never a go-with-the-flow type of person. I was always a planner and always moving. But I’ve learned to let a lot of that go and just learn to adapt to the situation at hand.

2 – Expect the ups and downs, but don’t always wait for the downs There will be huge ups and downs… sometimes month to month…. Sometimes hour to hour. It can take a lot to learn how to live with the rollercoaster of emotions, but its manageable. And there are always positive days to look forward to.

3 – They have huge hearts They care more then you could even imagine. Those changes in plans and rescheduled date nights bother them probably more then they bother you. They just want to be the best person possible, but sometimes PTSD doesn’t always let that go according to plan.

4 – Keeping a schedule is a must Keeping a routine and schedule is one of the most important thing I’ve found to help both me and my Vet. It keeps me from constantly nagging him, and he remembers to do things without me asking (this is also a huge milestone for those who have suffered a TBI as well…. Remembering to do things can be really hard for them!). For example, on Wednesday nights, he goes to his PTSD Combat Vet group at our local VA and I catch up on chores at home and do his meds for the week. This way they are ready to go when he leaves for work in the morning.

5 – Learn to let go Its hard not to take everything personally. Trust me, I know. Im the queen of taking everything to heart. But sometimes their frustration is misplaced and it comes out in anger or passive-aggressive behavior. This in no way is an excuse to allow yourself to be treated poorly, just remember that sometimes its not your fault and that “this too shall pass”.

6 – Its not always your fault… or theirs PTSD does crazy things to ones mind. Anger, depression, irritability, anxiety and aggressiveness all go hand-in-hand with PTSD. Its like a defense mechanism. But remember, above all, that it is not your fault. Sometimes we trigger them inadvertently, but the way they react isn’t always necessary. I am always telling my husband that I understand you are angry about such-and-such, but that it isn’t cause for the reaction that he has. We learn to adapt, and we learn to let go. But never make excuses for bad behavior.

7 – There will be good days, and there will be bad Life will be full of ups and downs. There will be days that are great and surreal, and other days where getting out of bed is a struggle. Sometimes we cant see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I assure you, its there. Remind yourself to keep your chin up, and take care of yourself, and your significant other. You need to support each other in the good times and the bad.

8 – Don’t expect your family or friends to understand This was one of the hardest things I had to learn. I knew nothing about PTSD before I met my husband. I had a lot to learn. So it was hard for my friends to understand why things had to change, or why plans had to be cancelled last minute. You learn to be careful with what you say about your boyfriend, or saying how he might react to situations. But once you explain certain things, they get it. They are totally ok with letting him sit with his back to the wall at a restaurant, or leaving early when the band starts to play because the loud music and dark setting is overwhelming. But they will learn, just like you have.

9 – Finding other spouses like you will be a lifesaver It took me forever to finally find someone who understood what my life consisted of on a day-to-day basis. But recently I met another wife of a combat veteran with PTSD at a VA workshop, and her friendship has been like a breath of fresh air, a reminder that I’m not alone, and mostly that I’m not crazy.

10 -The VA can be the biggest pain, but also a huge help if you look for it I remember one day making a list of how many phone calls and redirects it took me to finally get an Emergency Room visit covered by my husbands VA benefits. It was frustrating and I wanted to pull my hair out. Or waiting 4 months to get an appointment with a psychiatrist that could be scheduled around my husbands work hours. But ya know what, I made it happen. Persistency was key. They VA often gets a bad rap, but once you know who to talk to and where to look, the help they offer is invaluable. They offer programs for caregivers, which has been a huge help for me. And they offer peer-to-peer support. Once you connect with other caregivers and veterans, many of them have been down your road before, and they are more then willing to help and point you in the right direction. Never give up. You can always find what you need. Sometimes it takes longer then you’d like, but it’ll be there.

(APRIL 2, 2017) Bariatric Surgery, Round 2! And a little bit about me….

So it hit me one day while scrolling through Pinterest (while avoiding real work that I was procrastinating doing) that I should start a blog…. Because I obviously have tons of free time on my hands. Cue the sarcasm. Actually, free time is one of the things I lack, as I sit here with hair dye lathered into my hair, waiting for Alexa to tell me that my 20 minutes is up.

I work full time for my family’s trucking company, which Ive done for over 10 years and where my newlywed husband also works. I run my own business on the side of selling LuLaRoe which I absolutely love doing. Im also the primary caregiver to my husband who is a US Marine Corps Veteran, diagnosed with both PTSD and a TBI. Im a dog mom to two of the best rescue dogs ever, and a step mom to the coolest 9 year old in the world. My husband and I also are in the process of starting our own company and branching off from my family’s company. And with this, and all the responsibilities that come with being a wife, Im getting ready to take my second shot at bariatric surgery. Let me give you some background….

In 2007, I underwent Gastric Banding Surgery… AKA the LapBand. I had great success and lost 130 pounds in the first year. I found myself stable at 180 pounds and had felt the most comfortable and confident I had ever felt in my life. I was always overweight, and can remember going to nutritionists and being on diets when I was only a child. This new size 8 body was something I had never experienced and I promised myself I would NEVER gain the weight back! In 2009, I had a tummy tuck done by my amazing plastic surgeon, and was even able to get it covered by my health insurance. SCORE! Well, shortly after that surgery and a really rough recovery (because I had gotten the flu the week before my surgery and I refused to reschedule it…. Yes, Im stubborn!) my LapBand started to go wonky. I could no longer get water down, causing dehydration and many trips to get IV fluids. After removing all of the fluid in my band, I started getting wicked acid reflux which I still suffer from today. Long story short (which I’ll get to at another time)…. My weight started to creep back up despite severe nutrient deficiencies and sticking to my strict diet. My LapBand was removed in March of 2015, at which point I was already back up to 250 pounds. My band was now causing way more damage then good, and they needed to remove my band to further diagnose the deficiencies they still couldn’t find an answer for. It was time to let my body heal.
Since surgery, I have also been diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) which could explain some of the weight gain, the sleep apnea, and the crazy emotional mess I am sometimes. Once I hit my original starting weight before I had the LapBand, I decided it was time to try again.

I had my heart set on the good old standard, Gastric Bypass, but my doctor had another idea…. The Gastric Sleeve…. AKA the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. At first, I wasn’t keen on the idea, and the surgery seemed waaaaay too new for me (I had the LapBand when it was relatively new and all the cool kids where doing it). But after doing some research, I found out its been around a lot longer then I had originally thought, and I decided to jump on board. So away I went to get all my pre-op clearances and tests. Now Im in the middle of the insurance-required 3 month dieting and weight loss phase.

So that’s just a glimpse into my life….. lots more to come about many different topics. My struggles with weight, having bariatric surgery round 2, being a veterans wife, PTSD, PCOS, depression, anxiety, entrepreneurship and everything in between!
Thanks for reading!

Xoxo – Cheryl